No one told me I was going to melt around the middle.
When I was 34, I was so excited to be on my way to motherhood. Jason and I had started our marriage journey with the knowledge that we may never have a biological child of our own. So, we built our lives totally around each other.
I had a career that kept me from home 12 hours a day. He had a good job that kept him busy, and we had our hobbies and mini vacations every six weeks. Life was good, we lived for each other and didn't know what we were missing.
By the time I hit 35, I was starting to balloon with boy child. I had always exercised and kept in half-way shape; now due to pregnancy complications, I was unable to lift, pull, push, walk for extended periods of time or even stand in the same position very long. Talk about a life-style change!
My career came to a close - I was determined to be a stay-at-home mom. My little bundle of joy had the collic all night anyway, so functioning at any sort of normal level during the day was impossible. Because of previous surgeries, I delivered via Cesarean. Believe me, I got SO tired of folks feeling "sorry" for me because I wasn't able to have my child "naturally". Who even considers such a trivial thing when both mother and child are still alive and happy as an end result?!
However, after surgery complications, inactivity for months and being tired without an end, Gage did grow from a baby into a boy! In fact, it's now been eight years since I first laid eyes on that tiny clone of my husband. Those big, round eyes are still blue and innocent, and I have so much more love for everything, since I have learned to look through those young eyes.
After two major surgeries, all muscles in my belly are shot. I sag. Badly. My belly looks like a bad, droopy road map. No one told me that I was going to melt around the middle. That I was going to look like a soggy Mrs. Frosty. I've never had a perfect figure, but there sure were times I was more compact than I am now. I now have "pillows" that make me a "soft mom". It has been a relief to know that there are some medical reasons that have helped me keep all my "pillows". But, however this medical adventure turns out, I still know that Gage loves his "soft mom" and Jason still loves me, even when I doubt myself.
And all that melty middle?? Well, I'll probably always be droopy. It's just the way I am. And I've learned to accept that. My body has just been too small for all the love it's been through!
