New Year's Eve...

I know that I am getting older. My eyes are so tired and I am contemplating on sliding down into my bed instead of being propped up against the headboard. It's New Year's Eve, and 2012 is lurking right around the next few ticks of the clock.

When I was young, our New Year's Eves were spent at Church - we'd have a long service with usually visitors from other congregations, singing, visiting and praying in the New Year. Our congregation doesn't do this any longer. Instead, we are at home; I have tucked my 6 yr old son into bed, read his two bedtime stories, and we said our nightly prayers. I have a full, thankful heart...running over and filling up my life with the love God has blessed us with.

At the end of 2011, I can reflect back to the monumental times in our family's life...and it's been good. I realize I've developed into different person now. I am 41...married with a child. No longer is there any symbol whatsoever of a young person. I am a mature woman. Capable of making my own decisions. Standing on my own. Answering only to God and myself...and most of the time to my hubby :) 

This past year, I have learned so much about myself.

I am capable of handing adversity.

I have learned to say "no" just a bit more often.

I have learned that what others think about me does not have to effect how I perceive myself.

I have leaned that I CAN put myself first and not everyone else.

It's ok that I take a nap while Gage is at school.

It's ok if I want to go meet Jason for lunch at the last minute; to jump in the truck with him and ride to Owensboro and back - when there is a mountain of laundry and wedding pictures to edit.

It's ok to drive to school and pick Gage up and go for french fries at McDonald's just because.

I can forgive myself for my mistakes...there is no sense beating myself up over them. Everyone else has forgotten about it, so why can't I?!

I am not a perfect mother. Will never be. But I will be the best mother I can be.

I will never have enough patience. I am a very laid-back, easy going person, but I pray for patience every day.

I will never have brown hair again. It's turning silver very quickly nowadays.

I cannot be the perfect wife. There is no such thing.
However, I do know that I love my husband so much.
He and I have been through alot in the past 12 years together/10 years of marriage.
We've been scared.
We've been weary.
We've been at our wit's end with each other.
We have had words.
We have pointed fingers.
We have loved each other.
We are happy.
I can't be without him and he says he can't be without me.
We promised for better and for worse, in front of God and everybody. Separation has never been an option.
He's the person who makes me better.
He knows me, understands my moods, bolsters me.
God knew what he was doing when he put Jason in my life. Talk about opposites attracting...whee!

Yes, I am an old woman now. Gage told me so. His reasoning: "Well, mom, you are a woman. And you are old. That makes you an old woman".

I remember when I thought 41 was old. One foot in the grave, one foot on a banana peel old. It's ok with me now that the tables are now being turned.

I'll enjoy being an old woman in 2012.

I'll enjoy seeing my son turn 7 and complete first grade and move on to second.

I'll enjoy celebrating my 42nd birthday and our 11th anniversary.

I'll enjoy talking with my friends and rekindling old friendships. I'll enjoy making new friends.

I'll try the hardest to be the best old woman God will shape me to be.

Because I think I am finally grown up. That's what being "old" is. And I like it.

Happy 2012!