Before Gage was born, I didn't take time for the important things. I had a career. I worked long hours away from home. I had a dog. I got manicures on a regular basis, fixed my hair EVERY morning, wore Spanx and control top pantyhose. I had matching outfits, suits, wore heels, hired my house cleaned, made regular trips to the dry cleaners, had a standing date with my husband on Wednesdays, attended power lunches, taught supervisory classes and mingled with the powers that be.
I traded all of that for late night crying, puking, sleeplessness, flip-flops, coupon-cutting budgets, cleaning my own house plus yard duties (that's why things look like a train wreck the majority of the time ha), cooking, and the opportunity to receive sticky kisses that taste like grape kool-aid, holding a little hand, and hearing "Yes, I know what you are going to say...I love you too AND I love you MORE!" What a grand thing happened when Jay and I welcomed Gage into this big, wide world.
I still remember the day when Jay told me..."I can't wait until he starts talking!" Well, Gage did start talking and he has never shut up...
Gage-isms
I used to be scared to death when we went to Kroger. He would sit in the cart and talk to the guy bagging the groceries. Gage, being the very outspoken child that he is, told a guy with lots of hair: "You have a big fuzzy head." The bagger ignored him, so Gage felt the need to say it two more times. That's how long it took me to drop my purse and make a grab at him.
We were with my sister and her two kids at Sonic. While we waited on the food, I got out of the car and opened the passenger door where Gage was sitting. Gage yelled out of the car to a passerby "hey chicken-head!" I was trying to quiet my child while laughing at the look of horror on my sister's face.
Gage was quite young when we were driving through town just before Christmas. Someone dressed like Santa was standing on the sidewalk waving at everyone. Gage was (and still is) terrified of Santa Claus. "Give me my gun. Hurry, and I'll shoot that thing." He wore that pop-gun out.
In addition to not liking Santa, he's not keen on the Easter Bunny, Chuck E. Cheese, nor the cow from Chick-fil-a. We were eating at Chick-fil-a one night and the cow came out to visit the patrons. Gage climbed us both in a panic. "Don't let that...that...that...that...farm animal come get me!" And each word was louder than the last.
"Hi Old Lady!" He was sitting in the WalMart buggy. I finally figured out what he was saying after I kept getting dirty looks from women of all ages. All shopping came to a complete halt and we had a manners lesson reminder.
"Want me to jerk your arm off?" He told this to the little girls in the pew in front of us during church. He was made to apologize profusely.
"Lift your belly up so I can see what's under there." Good grief - it's time to stop undressing in front of my kid.
"I like your belly. It makes a good pillow." I don't know whether to feel all warm and fuzzy inside from the compliment or be insulted.
His second day of Kindergarten, he stepped up on the bus and announced: "Good Morning, Folks. Glad to see you all again today." Needless to say everyone about cracked up.
"You need to go to Ms. Johnson's Zumba class, mom. But, you'd probably have a stroke." His first grade teacher is a Zumba instructor.
"Is that a bowling ball holder?" He was carrying my bra through the house. No, it's not. Go put it back where you found it - NOW.
"If you fall asleep, I am going to kiss you on the lips and you'll wake up married." No thanks, young man. That has happened to me already and once in a lifetime is enough.
"This is my brain." He was stretched out in the bathtub looking down at his privates. I silently agreed...
I asked his Sunday School class (which I teach) what would happen if they were mean to other people. "You go to where the devil lives and get poked with a pitchfork and get your hair pulled." He hates his hair pulled.
Told him multiple times to be quiet while we were in the grocery store. When he just couldn't control his lips, we started to make our way toward the rest room. "Mom, are you going to blister me?!?!" Great, now everyone will think I beat my child.
He was teaching me how to open a pudding cup..."grab the top between your thumb and booger-pickin' finger".
We were in town and I overheard him tell his dad..."I might find some women. I should have brought a big net." Oh my...
"I need to find a wild woman and bring her home with me." That remark was made while we were sitting in the truck eating ice cream. Jay told him that was the last thing he needed to do, since Momma ruled the house and there would be no wild women invited. To which Gage replied "Well, you used to chase wild women, Dad. In fact, you probably chased them around that Dairy Queen sign, didn't you?!"
After numerous threats and finally getting Gage in and out of the bathtub, he informed me "You're like Oscar the Grouch, only you're Mom the Grouch".
Jay arrived home from work early...and met the bus to pick up Gage for the first time his first grade school year. Before stepping off of the bus, Gage told his bus driver "Stay calm. That's my dad." What was he expecting to happen?!?!?!
"Mom, what was life like back in the 80's?" Oh my...well I was in high school...it has been a long time, hasn't it?!
"Dad, did you have toys when you were little? Were they made out of wood?" Jay was quite put out with that question and answered with "We just had sticks and rocks, son." Gage came to me and said, "Mom, we need to buy Dad some toys."
He was going to town with his Dad. He stopped by the front door on his way out, made a sweeping motion with his hand and said, "I expect this house cleaned up by the time we get back." Yes sir...I'll get right on that.
I offered Gage a Nutty Bar and glass of milk before we went outside to work a while..."No thanks, I've cut down on my sweets about three pegs. Have you seen the Reese's Cup Cookies?"
"I had a broke toe nail, but I chewed it off." Don't do that!! That's what clippers are made for. "Why? I can reach it with my teeth."
"I'm going to run away. I'm tired of you telling me what to do." Sorry kid - someone telling you what to do will last the rest of your life. "Well, I'll be glad when I'm big enough to tell you what to do." I hate to be the bearer of bad news...
"Are we going on a road trip? I'd like to have some ice cream. But I don't want to go if i have to ride forever. We aren't going to Alabama are we?" He won't ever forget that long ride.
"I'd like to have a little sister, Mom." A brother? "No, I don't need one of those." Well, he's going to be disappointed. One child is enough for this momma.
Gage was hunting for a little Matchbox car and recruited my help. When asked if he could remember where he had it last, he replied "I think it got legs and walked away."
He found a little blue, plastic piggy bank that I had put some quarters in. He was terribly excited and told us that he had "enough money to take us on a long vacation to Holiday World." If only life was that simple...
I woke up one morning to noise...He was curled up in the corner of the living room, watching Swamp People on the computer and eating cookies. Well, he was eating ONLY the cream filling and had almost demolished a two pound bag of cookies! What in the world are you doing?!?!? "I knew you wouldn't like me having a good time, so I didn't wake you up." Yes, I was a party pooper that morning.
With all his jeans in the dirty laundry, I pulled out a pair of jogging pants for school. Chaos and disaster! "I am not wearing soft pants to school today. I'm a country boy and I wear blue jeans!" The least dirty of the pile went on my kid to school.
When I turned 40, he knew it was a big milestone for me. "Mom, I hope you have a great final birthday." Well, give me a couple more years...I'd like to see you graduate from Kindergarten before you dig me a hole to lie in.
We were at the grocery and I commented that we should get items for a wienie roast. My poor son grabbed himself and said "with a fire?!?!?"
He got off the school bus one day with band-aids covering his leg. What happened to you?! "Oh, nothing happened to me, Mom. I just found some band-aids in my backpack and thought I'd use them."
Gage and I met Jay/his Daddy at work for lunch one day. When he got into the truck with us, Gage asked "Dad, where's that guy who doesn't have the sense of a duck?" It's sorta fun to watch my husband at a loss for words.
His evening school bus driver this past year has been very strict. "We can look straight ahead or out the window, but we can't turn around and we can't talk to each other. But sometimes I forget and get into trouble. It's alright if I forget, isn't it Mom? I'm still little. I'm just in first grade."
Yes, son, it's fine that you sometimes forget. If we get so perfect that we don't forget, life would be a very dull place. Memories are made from the times we forget. We are all imperfect...though we strive toward perfection inside the love of Christ Jesus. And that's the reason I can love our boy so much!!!
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