My son, oh my son...

Luke 18:15-17
And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein. 

Gage loves to talk. He loves to think things out and talk as he goes. Thinking out loud. I love to look at the world through his eyes. It's all fresh and new and his perspective is brutally honest.

He talks when he plays. He talks while he eats his dinner. He talks when he rides in the truck. He talks when does his homework. He talks and talks. And drives us absolutely crazy sometimes.

Being eight years old, he's actually not talked all that long. His life is still very young and short, and he enjoys the sound of his voice droning on.

When he's not talking, he is singing or making noises. He sings in the shower. He sings as he rides down the road. He sings when he goes outside to play. He sings to his dog. He sings to me. And he makes it up as he goes along.

He randomly whoops and hollers. He makes drum sound effects to go along with his pencil pecking on the table. He growls like a dog and makes squacking sounds like a squirrel (just ask his bus driver!). He can imitate me and lots of other folks, and many times can carry on a two person conversation by himself, just by changing the sound of his voice. 

He also tells funny things that he doesn't actually mean to be funny. Like telling his teacher we were going to be renting a car (we did) for a trip. It was going to be miserable because his dad is 6' 8", we

were going to be getting a VW Bettle and he was going to be squished in the backseat. His teacher and I both had a laugh over that one and his dad is 6' 2".

I have tried to jot down many of his tales, but I still have forgotten more than I remember. I post many of them on facebook, since I am a fb junkie, but I have compiled most of them into one place. Here they are and attached is also a link to previous ones as well.

More Gage-isms...

After an extremely stressful evening of disciplining our young boy, Jason looked at me and said "I have a feeling that God is laughing at us because we asked for this." 

We were picking up toys in the living room. All of a sudden, Gage opens his mouth wide and asked “how big is my uvula?” Your WHAT?! “That dangly thing in the back of my mouth, Mom! The uvula!” Good grief. I’ve learned more in the 8 yrs since I’ve had a child than in the whole 35 before he was born.

Got myself a new gown…it’s cheetah print instead of the regular pink or purple flowery ones I usually wear. Gage found me in the kitchen making coffee early in the morning with it on. After giving me a shocked look he said “That’s just ungodly.”

Gage and his cousin Justin were playing cowboys...things got quiet and I went to check on them. Justin was taped up to the chair and the chair taped to the floor...Gage had just used a 1/2 roll of masking tape in the process and said they may start playing mummy. Of course, I messed that game up real quick...and people wonder why I am satisfied with one child?!

Gage was asking Jason about a truck, and Jason told him it was “old and worn out”. Never missing a beat, Gage said, “like you and Mom. You’re old and Mom’s worn out.” Excuse me?!

“Do you know that my teacher is younger than BOTH of you? She’s only thirty-two and you all are in your forties!” Ah, that makes us feel good, son!

Gage loves to collect things. He proudly brought me a rodent skull – groundhog to be exact. After telling him to “WASH YOUR HANDS!”, I bleached and scrubbed it. It has a place of honor on the top of his bookcase, right next to the coon teeth. Doesn’t take much to make him happy.

Gage stresses over his homework and forgot to put his folder in his backpack one morning...When he got home, he informed me "this makes the third time in my career that I've forgotten." For a third grader, that’s not too bad.

Visited Gage's classroom with birthday cupcakes and was so pleased when his teacher told me how well he is doing in class. When I bragged on him and thanked him for being good, he said "I like Mrs Blair being my teacher, but she has eyes like a hawk! She can see every time we twitch!" Go Mrs Blair!

Gage was doing homework and writing sentences using his spelling words - one of which was "smooth". I looked over at his paper, and saw this sentence: I have a smooth attitude.

“Mom, what does frumpy mean?” Gage was working on spelling homework again. After I explained the definition, he wrote ‘My mom is frumpy’. I had to laugh, because that day, he was super correct.

Gage wanted to make chocolate chip muffins and informed me that he could make them himself. He did a great job…until I noticed there were no chocolate chips in the muffins and he had muffin mix powder all over his face.

Gage helped me make homemade laundry detergent. He put the measured ingredients into a five gallon bucket and I gave him a long spoon to stir it with. I poured in the boiling water, and he asked if I was sure what we were doing was legal. Legal? “Yeah, are we making moonshine?”

We were out before 8am in the cold on a Saturday morning, walking home Gage’s pot bellied pig - who had decided to visit the neighbor. Gage looked up at me and said "I think that pig would make a good ham."

Jason eats lunch out on Fridays, after taking ham and cheese sandwiches all week. Today he told us he ate at Long John Silver's, and Gage asked "Did you bring me home any corn on a stick?!"

Gage talked non-stop ALL hours one day. He was chattering away at dinner and I thought I'd sneak in a sentence of my own. "Heello! You just erupted, Mom!"

I cut Gage's heavily iced cupcake into quarters so it would be easier for him to handle. "Why Mom! You know how to divide!"

Gage came home from school one day a bit irate. "Mom, we should get money for going to school. Do you know that the teachers can chew gum, munch on cookies when they want to, don't have to go to gym and get all sweaty, AND THEY GET PAID!" He hates to get all sweaty at school.

Got ready for school open house...Gage informed me "No offense, Mom, but you look sorta middle aged tonight." Since I've been battling allergies and feeling rough, 43 as middle aged didn't sound too bad. However, we had another talk about sometimes keeping the honest truth to ourselves.

Gage was waiting for some friends to come play. Told him they would be here "around lunch-time." When they weren't here by 12noon on the dot, he started pacing the floor. By 5 minutes after, he announced that his patience was hurting.

Having had one of "those" days, I announced to whoever was listening that I was just going to go somewhere and hide. Gage heard me, jumped up from where he was playing and ran to me "Oh! Go hide, Mom! I'll be the seeker and find you!"

Both Gage and Jason's middle names are Scott. So, to an upset Gage it just made sense to call me by three names: "Momma Scott Salmon!!"

Gage shoved a tote full of toys out into the hall so I could vacuum. He put his hands on his hips, looked at me with a smirk and said "Now, THAT'S raw power!"

All of a sudden Gage stopped playing with his trucks, ran and hugged me with all the strength in his small arms. (How did he know that was just what I needed?!)
"Do you ever get hugged so much that you feel like you are going to throw up?"
No...can't say that I have. Does that happen to you?
"Well sometimes you hug me too much, but I like it!"

I asked Gage if he'd like to go on a walk with me.
"Sure. We might as well walk to WalMart while we're at it. You'd be thin as a pencil when we got back, 'cause it's a long way to WalMart."

If I give my child a pair of disposable latex gloves, he will collect and take out the trash. He thinks he is quite important and he has a VERY happy momma!

Jason took Gage fishing one evening. They caught a brightly colored Sunfish and Jason made a remark that the fish was really pretty. To which Gage replied: "Yes, Dad, that's God's masterpiece."

Gage gave Jason one of those 'manly punches' in the arm as he walked by...Jason replied with a flexed muscle and a "You can't hurt this. You don't have an arm like this!" Gage's eyes sparkled and he rolled up his sleeve. "Prepare to be AMAZED!"

Jason and I were talking this afternoon, and didn't know Gage was listening. Jason said "between you, me and the doorpost" and we went on with our conversation. All of a sudden, Gage squeals and says "That's mean!! You called me a doorpost!" No amount of reassurance would do..."You have to be talking about me, because I'm the only other one here!!"

Gage's pup got into the trash - a whole bag of trash - and had a party. The pick-up process didn’t go very smooth...Gage told his daddy that he was going to be the supervisor and Jason could carry the garbage bag.

Nothing like an excited child jumping in our bed way too early in the morning..."My tooth fell out, my tooth fell out!" After scaring his parents half to death, he went back to bed and slept until time to go to school. We were awake for the day.

Jason: Gage, do you want to come and look at this magazine with me?
Gage: Does it have good looking tractors in it? If it does, I'm on my way.

"There is no school today, it's Saturday. Oh, Mom says no knives, so we can't make toothpicks today. Wear your coveralls; it's cold outside. Mom don't feel like babysitting. She says she has work to do, so we are going to play outside. I'll be waiting for you." Gage called and scheduled his own play date with his cousin.

Gage was fussing because he had to pick up his trucks from the hallway where they had gathered...my advice: 'Just close your eyes to it and keep working.'
His reply was incredulous "If I CLOSE my EYES, I can't SEE what I am DOING!!" He was looking at me like I had lost my brain.

We've been talking about what Gage can be when he "grows up".
"I'm going to be a bum."
Do you even know what a bum is?!
"Yes, they live under a bridge and push a shopping cart."
I think you need to pick something else...
"I'm going to be a clown."
A clown?! You are afraid of clowns!!
"No, mom! I won't be afraid of myself!"
I was hoping for higher aspirations.

Gage must have been cold. He put on my fuzzy red socks and they kept coming off of his feet. Solution: two rubber bands to keep them up.

Might want to batten down the hatches...according to Gage, who has been listening to the weather channel, we're going to have a tarantula rain fall. (torrential)

Went to town with my sister and her two kiddos...the two boys were having a serious conversation about "bad guys".
Justin: Bad guys can come down the 'chiminey' into your house!
Gage: That's why you need a firearm! A rifle, a shotgun, a pistol, a BB gun...

Gage brought home his report card...he's going to have buckle down on his math and stay in his seat more.
Jason told him: "I was in second grade once. I got distracted, too."
Gage: "Was it because of the pretty girls?"
Jason: "Pretty girls have been the downfall of many a man, son. Do you think you need a math tutor?"
Gage: "A tooter?! I don't need anyone else stinking around here!"
Dinner conversations around here can be a bit entertaining.

Was babysitting my niece and nephew and Gage gave out yogurt tubes to everyone. I usually freeze them so the kids can eat them like popsicles, but they were "melty" - just been in the fridge. When questioned because they were different, Gage said "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. We are going to eat melty ones today." So they all ate melty ones.

We were all in Jason's little pick-up. I was struggling to find my seat belt and evidently Gage was feeling a bit crowded. "Somebody's swelled up since we rode in here last time."

"Mom, am I 'noxious?"
No son, you aren't obnoxious.
"Do I just need a sense of direction?"
Yes, I'll agree with that. All boys need a sense of direction.

Gage and I were sitting on the couch, reading, listening to music. He leans over and smells of me - about three big sniffs.
I asked him "Do I stink?!"
"No, you just smell like a mom."

Gage and his cousin Justin were looking at an animal encyclopedia...
"that's a Saw Fish!! That's what the Flintstones use to cut their bread!!"

Babysat our great-nephew, who wasn’t quite 3 months old...I asked Gage to help out by getting me a diaper. He told Levi, very seriously, "You are little, so you still have to wear a diaper. I wear man underwear."

Gage and Justin (nephew) came home from school talking about a certain singer. I told them to stop talking about it, because we don't listen to that kind of music.
"Why?" -Gage
Because it has bad words in it.
"What kind of bad words?" -Gage
Words you don't need to say...dirty words (prob the used wrong adjective here...)
"Oh, I know!" said Justin. He leaned over and whispered to Gage: "Dirty words are like poop running down your leg!"

"Who is Munchie the Indian?" -Gage
WHO?! -Jason
"Munchie the Indian - it says it right here" -Gage (They were looking at a tractor magazine)
That's Muncie, Indiana, son, not Munchie the Indian!

Jason and I were sitting on the couch. Gage wiggled and wedged himself in between us -- then decided to get up. "I can't move! I am squooshed by a hot momma!!" Somehow I don't think he was insinuating that I was lookin' good.

We don’t celebrate Christmas with Santa – even though we don’t know the exact day of Jesus’ birth, Christmas is a time our family sets aside to remember the humble beginnings of our Savior. Gage and I were talking about Christmas and why we have the Holiday. “Well, sometimes I get all excited about presents and forget that Jesus is the ultimate gift. So I really don’t need presents for Christmas, but they sure are nice.”

Gage found a pair of his dad’s pliers outside, and they had rusted a bit. “Look at what I found, Mom. Dad left them outside and now they look like this, but they still work. I claimed them, though, because I didn’t want him to get into trouble for leaving them outside in the rain. He probably just forgot about them.”

“I don’t fold clothes. That’s woman work.” Wrong words for a little boy, who found out much to his chagrin, that folding towels was also boy work.

Gage has a pot bellied pig in a pen behind the house. I found him getting ready to feed Daisy a full bucket of hog feed. “That’s not too much, Mom! She eats it all!” She had eaten a 40 pound bag of hog food that week with the help of her small keeper.

Gage laid down by Jason in the bed. I asked him if he was going to sleep with his dad and he added “I’ve slept with that fuzzy man before in my life and I’m not going to do it again tonight.”

More Gage-isms <click> here