Buy the pie...

Isaiah 32:17 and 18
And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever. And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.

I am a people pleaser. My goal is to make everyone, as much as possible, happy. I do not like for folks to be upset with me, or to think I haven't done my part.

But when I try to accomplish too much, I run dry, get anxious, feel stressed. I become overwhelmed. My feelings start to shut down. I end up procrastinating and hide.

And when I do too much for others, I don't leave enough time for myself. I want to do it all. I want to be the great wife, the loving mom, the caring daughter, the supportive sister, the faithful Godly servant, the I'll-be-there-for-you-friend, the smiling stranger, and I want to teach those sweet faces of the youth choir just one more Christmas song. Learning to choose what is best for myself and my family is hard. Most of the time, I get so tired I almost collapse before I quit.

So, my Christmas gift to myself this year is to learn to choose. I am going to try hard to make myself choose and learn to say "No" when needed. Try really, really, really, really hard to make myself learn to choose. And I am also going to work on the hardest part of all, which is to learn how to forgive myself for not doing everything that I feel I am supposed to do.

I was grocery shopping...shoving my buggy through aisle after aisle of shelves and coolers. Putting one foot in front of the other was just automatic as I gathered up my groceries. I have been so very blessed with a hardworking husband who has always provided us with money for our needs, but it can get hard to see the blessings when I am struggling to get through a day.

Rounding the corner, I came face to face with an elderly lady who was in the process of putting a boxed, frozen pie into her cart. She smiled at me, gestured to the glass-fronted freezer and said "They are on sale. There's no sense in making it from scratch when these are almost just as good."

I stopped. I had never entertained the thought of not making a pie from "scratch". I had always cooked everything from the beginning to the end. It had to be real. Partly because cooking is a hobby for me and something I love do, but partly it was because I had to "do it right and not take shortcuts."

My tired emotions must have been written all over my face, because this kind lady stood beside my cart and encouraged me...telling me it was alright if events in my life wasn't going according to plan. I then realized if I didn't purchase a frozen, boxed pie, we weren't going to have pie at all. Because I didn't have time or energy to make a crust, measure sugar, flour and milk, stand over the stovetop and make a pie. With a wink she said "Let someone else do the cooking".

So I followed her direction. I bought one of the frozen pies. I took it home and let it thaw. We had coconut cream pie. And it was delicious. My husband was delighted over such an unexpected surprise and treat. We ate pie; pie we would not have had, if I had been determined to do it all.

I thought back to the Christmas seasons before...where I had scheduled so many activities with others that I had completely neglected my husband and son. I had baked and cooked for others until I had forgotten that we didn't have anything special in our own home. Once, it was Christmas morning, and not one gift had been wrapped at our house. I was exhausted and didn't really care if presents were in WalMart bags and we ate bologna sandwiches...because the turkey was still frozen.

I have not been treating myself right. I'm not being nice to me. I'm not being kind to me. I have forgotten myself. And because I have mistreated me, I have slighted the rest of my family. I'm not at my best, I'm not as happy and focused on my greatest treasures as I can be.

I am sure that I am not the only woman who continuously wrestles with doing too much; promising more than I can comfortably deliver. However, going forward, I am dedicated to working on it...one step at a time. By taking out time and reserving a calm space for me, I will show more love to my family. I will have more clarity to hear God's soft instructions. My destination is to became a better wife, more structured mom, and faithful daughter, sister and friend.

Time is precious. So are we. Let's buy the pie and have ourselves a Merry Christmas.